Wednesday, March 26, 2008

And Yet Another Blog....

So I have started yet another blog. This one is somewhat anonymous I suppose. My MySpace blog has far too many family members watching for me to discuss some things in my life that are just screaming to be written about. I suppose keeping a private diary would be the more sensible solution to this problem...but is anything really private anymore. With the world of blogs, You Tube, reality TV and the likes, aren't we all just dying to flaunt our private drama for the public world to see...OK, maybe that is harsh. But I guess it is the only way I can justify in my mind why I have started yet another blog! I am either obsessed with myself, or have a compulsion to write that overpowers my good sense to keep my mouth (or fingers as it may be) quiet.

I have a health scare. A problem I don't care to discuss on MySpace because my family will just freak the fuck out. But I am preparing to have a CT scan of my abdomen as well as a scope thingy from a urologist because there might be something growing in there....I have been very sick for the last 8 days. I can barely stay awake for more than a few hours at a time and there is an increasing pain in my innards! I lost a significant amount of blood 8 days ago from my bladder, and when I say significant I mean something out of a cheap horror movie. When the doctor pressed around in there yesterday (my 3rd visit in 8 days!) I squealed like a piglet loosing his manhood (and since I have personally castrated a few piglets in my day, I can assure you I know exactly what that sounds like). All my CBC and various other acronymic tests came back fine...which was good and frustrating at the same time. I have never once insisted I am completely sane, but when you feel like I do and all these tests come back OK, you start to feel certifiably loony! What the fuck is wrong with me.

I am the girl that everyone says "How do you do it all?!" Referring to my status as a stay at home mom, home day care provider to 4 other children, waitress/bartender/banker on the weekends and webmaster to a site where I sell hand stitched crafts, if you are interested (OK cheap plug, I know...). And I usually respond with a smile! I love it! I like to be busy! I like raising my children! And I am proud that I have found ways around making money so that I can still be able to do that. But now I am a mere shell of myself. It's frustrating. It's depressing. Sitting at this computer is about all I have the energy to do. And my poor children are eating Easter candy for breakfast in front of the boob tube because I have no energy to fix them a proper breakfast, nor the will to fight them on their pleading and begging for candy. That is NOT the kind of mom I usually am.......It's pissing me off!

So that is my confession. The confession that was screaming to be written that could not be written in my other blogs. Perhaps later I will find the energy to spill all my other personal secrets and dreams that I keep inside for fear nobody in my real life would understand. Believe me there are thousands. But for now I need to lay down.


Anonymous said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed

reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.