Damn It!

Well as usual I got a snippet of the feel good feeling and I went 100 mph today. Now I am once again run down, cramping quite nicely and no longer feel 'fabulous'. Fuck! What the fuck is wrong with me. I am certainly hoping that after me CT scan they tell me that absolutely nothing is wrong...don't get me wrong, I don't want bad news....but answers...answers would be good. The Dr. said if my pain increased to go the ER to get the CT scan done sooner....but it really doesn't hurt that bad...it's just constant. I mean I know pain!! I have degenerative discs in my back. What I am experiencing right now is equivalent to a hangnail compared to that. But WTF is causing it? I ended up telling my Dad, which was probably a HUGE mistake. But he called and he could tell I didn't feel good. He has some redeemable parental qualities, because he immediately jumped my ass for being so busy all the time and not taking care of myself. So I finally spilled the beans.....now I fear I have worried him unnecessarily.

I am pissed! I don't like things in my life to be halted, unless I choose to halt them. I make plans, I follow through, I stay busy, that's how I like it. If I slack off on some obligation, it's always because I have found a different 'obligation' to devote all of my attention to. Sort of a pseudo slacker if you will. I might be slacking off on something, but you can bet your sweet ass it's cause I am going 90 mph on something else...

Have I mentioned I am pissed? Now I have to go take a nap...it's 4:30 in the freaking afternoon and I am going to take my second nap of the day! The one I took with the boys was not enough...oh and the Vertigo is creeping back up. Just fuckin' lovely!

P.S. I have realized since I startded this blog that I talk to myself a lot.....does that make me kind of creepy? I mean, I am really only talking to myself here right? And I seem to be doing it several times a day. Oh well....I always was a bit odd....