Sunday, May 18, 2008

The Forever Journey

If I could give one piece of advice to someone preparing for marriage or looking for a spouse it would be this:

It's a full time job.

There is no application and some days it pays more than others, there are few days off and rarely any vacations. It's fun, it's funny, it's sad, it's mad, it's miserable, it's glorious. But it's work. I think too many people see their lives through 'rose colored glasses' until reality sets in. The cold hard facts about marriage, or at least mine anyway are that there are good days and bad days. When your lucky the good outweighs the bad. When you hit a rough patch you just gotta tighten up your seat belt and prepare for a bumpy ride.

Life is feeling bumpy at the moment. Mostly all due to lack of or inability to communicate. I am feeling quite lonely, despite the fact that I never have a moment to myself. As a child who was raised by parents with 8 divorces between them (their marriage ending after less than 1 year), I have always been determined to never give up. And honestly this rough patch is nothing to get excited about, I don't foresee us ever contemplating divorce, we are just growly. But my point to the 8 divorces thing is that sometimes I fear I am genetically pre-disposed to throw in the towel. Just like I am genetically pre-disposed to mental illness and alcoholism. Is there some permanent flaw in me that will someday cause me to rip off my seat belt and jump ship? Is there some flaw that makes me occasionally wonder if the grass isn't greener.....I hope not. It's times like this, the bumpy times, that I let my mind wander to a fantasy land where life is perfect and love is flawless. But we all know that place doesn't exist....not anywhere near my zip code anyway! So I guess I just need to suck it up, and strap on the seat belt!


Mum-me said...

That's so true - that 'perfect love' (or perfect anything) is really just a fantasy. Marriage IS hard work, and I have often felt lonely too, even with six children constantly in my face, because I have felt disconnected with my husband.

Hope you get through this time quickly.

Shannon said...

bumpity-bump-bump-bump could definitely replace the word marriage in the dictionary - in fact it SHOULD. A few days ago I wrote this glowing post about my hubby and the next day I was so mad at him I thought I was done forever. Believe me the grass is probably not greener. My mom and dad divorced when I was 23 and neither one of them is truly any happier then they were before. My mom pretends to be with her current hubby, but I can see right through it!