That you care one bit
About my John Deere kitchen
Or the old tractors in it.
But just because I want to,
I'm going to show you,
My kitchen



I am a mother, a lover, a writer, a poet, and an artist of some strange sort. I am passionate, brutally honest, funny, crude, loyal and sincere. I am who I am and nothing will change that. Sometimes I am a little insane...but aren't we all? I am compelled to write, words are my life. Perhaps I am a narcissist since I seem to write about myself the most these days...welcome to my madness.



They must have moved our Bull's favorite cow. He stands every evening on the hill at the fence staring over at the pasture across the road. Sometimes he hollars for her and other time he just stands there quietly. He has other cows to 'dance' with here, but they must have stolen his best girl. She's probably already knocked up. It's funny to watch him.
If I am out there smoking on the porch, when I can sneak out, he stares at me as if to say "Those things are gonna kill ya lady!"....I want to ask him "Yeah, so will blue balls!" at least that's what teenage boys think! LMAO!
Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 3:57 PM 0 comments
For the first time in all the years that I have been a farm wife, I am putting sweet corn up for the winter...in SEPTEMBER! Late August is the latest I can every remember doing that and that was usually what we call 'soup corn'...the corn that is more mature and tough, the last of the crop out of the garden that isn't as sweet or tasty as the early crop. I just cut off and put up 15 quarts of corn and it occurred to me as I wrote 9-1-08 on the bags that I had never had to date them for September before! Everyone is in the same boat this year, just now canning tomatoes and putting up the rest of their garden bounty. The Flood we suffered this spring set crops back significantly. In fact in my last post I have a pic of my boys harvesting wheat in July. That is usually done in early to mid-June. It's been a strange summer indeed. (In more ways than one LOL!) But we have had a much cooler summer this year than I can ever remember, that is a blessing!
Well River starts pre-K tomorrow and mom and dad are having a hard time with the though of our little man going to school. It seems like only yesterday he was a chubby bundle of joy at my breast. Now he is a smart mouth know it all 4 year old...oh did I just say that out loud? LOL I meant he is a bright, energetic, and strong willed 4 year old! Tomorrow is going to be a hard day. Pray for me!
Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 10:24 AM 0 comments
Labels: Blogs, Farm, Gardening, Life, Love, Marriage, Motherhood
Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 6:26 PM 0 comments
Labels: Family, Farm, Motherhood
No no not that kind of weed...LOL! I did something today that my husband would have squawked and had a fit over! I used the weed eater! He has been working very late each night because they are short handed where he works and the yard work just wasn't getting done. Well he and I kind of have this arrangement...it goes like this, I am not allowed to do the yard work, which I bitch and moan about, but secretly am glad I don't have to do it. Just like he thinks he is not allowed to do laundry or dishes, but unbeknownst to him I would would be thrilled if he traded in his lawn mower for dishpan hands!
We are having family pictures taken tonight and I decided to have the photographer come here to our house so we could have pics taken outside and on our porch. We have two ponds and lots of acreage so there are many many places to stage photos for the kids. However the weed situation was getting out of control! Sooooooo I took my little country butt out to the garage and found the weed eater. I read the instructions on how to start it...and then re-read them. And then I fired her up and off we went....shredding the life out of the cocky weeds who had taken over my yard!!! I felt like Superwoman...
Yes I live a sheltered life.
I am happy to report that not only did I NOT injure myself or anyone else...but that I did a pretty damn good job too! The place looks great. But can I just say my hands shook for like 2 hours from all the vibration (you'd think I'd be used to that *wink wink*) and my forearms are killing me!!! I used muscles I didn't know I had!

P.S. I tried to drink a few beers yesterday, along with a ton of bottled water...the beer does not mix with my new meds. It made me grouchy and feel icky. It looks like I might be the Designated Driver for life...which isn't always a bad thing I guess...
Well for those who were concerned ;0) By the time the men got to the pasture to load up the cow she had successfully delivered a healthy calf all by herself. Mommy and baby are doing just fine! And to top that off the boys and I got to go see twin calves in the barn who were born on Wednesday. They are adorable!
It's a good day to be a cow! LOL
Now I am off to nap and rest up for BAR WARS!!! Where all the local tavern's gather to compete in an annual softball tournament. It's good times, and this will be the last year for our tavern...sadly...too many of us are too busy with families and other commitments to focus on the team. But we have been the reigning champions several times....I hope we got out with one last championship this year!!!
GO VIC'S!!!!
Sometimes life on the farm is a horrible reminder of just how cruel mother nature can be. This morning we awoke to a phone call that one of our cows, who is apparently trying to birth a calf is running around in the pasture up the road with half of the calf delivered, two legs hanging out of her, and the other half still stuck inside. The men folk gathered together as one saddled a horse to try to corral her, while the the others hitched up the cattle trailer to try and pin her up and get the calf delivered.
If you are the squeamish type it would be best to stop reading now. But the realities of raising livestock are often harsh. It is heartbreaking to watch the animals suffer, and the men will do all they can to try and deliver the calf, who is probably already dead. Sometimes they are able to reach in and help her deliver by hand, but many a day I have seen a chain attached to a partially birthed calf and a tractor used to pull it out. It's a horrible thought and a horrible sight, but if the calf is not delivered the mother will die as well.
The reason I write about it is because I often feel as if there is huge misconception about the humane treatment of animals in our society. (often from the same people eating their double cheeseburger on their lunch break) In all the years I have lived on the farm, I have never seen an animal mistreated. Mother nature is hard them, as is the case today, but it is our job to care for them and give them the best quality of life possible. Yes, slaughter is the ultimate destination for them. But from birth to the sale barn they are well cared for. Their needs are always met, their care is first and foremost on the farm...often trumping vacations, family functions, and a full nights sleep. Many a calf has been bottle fed by hand every day of it's life until it is able to feed itself and many a sleepless night has been spent with a sick cow, worrying and nursing it back to health. Sometimes time and effort is put into a cow that ultimately becomes ill and has to be put down, to end their suffering, and also because there is no longer any monetary value to their life. It is a harsh existence. Time, effort and money spent on a living thing, only to have to end it's life.
I know the my menfolk will do their best to save this cow today. Chances are it's too late for her calf. But everything will be done to relieve her suffering and get her back to good health. It's a hard, disgusting, and heartbreaking job. Remember that next time you order your medium rare T-bone....somebody cared for that cow, somebody raised it, and fed it a proper diet to ensure good flavored meat. A lot of work went in to making sure that your steak dinner was tasty.
Remember that. And remember my men, out there doing what most are unwilling to do, to keep us all fed.
Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 6:12 AM 0 comments
Ok folks, if you read my blog and you are not from the United States, I need a favor. I have decided to start a little project with my day care kids. We want to have an "International Foods Week" before school starts. I am looking for some traditional recipes for meals and snacks that kids enjoy from all over the world. I know I have readers from Australia, England and the Middle East and other places I have never heard of LOL and I know I have American readers who could probably pass along some of their favorite international recipes too...I would consider it a huge favor if you could post a comment to this blog with some food and recipe ideas for us to consider! Any foods that you feel are native or traditional in your region, especially something that we would not normally fix in the U.S. The only catch is, I need to be able to find the ingredients here, or at least have some substitute ideas.
If you recipes come with any stories or background information I would love that too....it would bring a lot more meaning to the kids if they knew the history of the dish - right before they go "Eeeeewww are we really gonna eat that?!" LOL ~ I can already hear it now, but I think this will be a fun educational activity. Plus I love to cook....don't hesitate to send recipes that might require some effort, I am not afraid of my kitchen, it is where I am most at home! Bring on the recipes!!
If I had anything to offer as a prize for the best submissions I would...but I don't....unless you want some fresh garden tomatoes and sweet corn! LOL!
Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 2:06 PM 2 comments
It seems I am not the only parent on the farm struggling to juggle a handful of kids at the moment. Our calves are growing quickly and soon will come the dreaded weaning. I am not sure why but I always feel sad about that. Weaning my own children was hard for me, perhaps I can sympathize with the cries of the Momma's as their babies are hauled off down the road....this itself creates a horrible symphony if bawling on both sides for several nights. I have never quite understood why we don't move the calves to one of the pastures that is a few miles away? They always end up across the road where they can hear Momma calling them, and Momma can hear their desperate cries. I chalk most of this up to fact the most farms are run by men who have never had to suffer from swollen milk glands! LOL!
My faithful readers might remember The calf named Nelly, who had to be renamed Willy . He has alluded my camera several times since that post, but tonight I finally captured a gorgeous shot of him.
He is still adorable, and I don't know how I became so attached to this animal. I seem to search him out when the cows are near the house. He is a bit of loner and doesn't play with the other calves much. Unfortunately I will someday have to face the fact that Willy might possibly end up between a bun on my dinner plate...but for now I am choosing to be in denial about that harsh fact of farm life. I must be growing on him too....he allowed me to keep snapping pics
As the cows were making their way back to the barn at sunset, I had a flash back of our recent vacation as the lone bull in this pasture, and likely father of most of these calves, made his way back surrounded by youngsters.....
"Are we there yet Daddy?! Are we there yet?!" He looked right at me as I snapped this pic and for a moment we understood each other well..."Damn it I am tired and I just want to get home..."
Finally I had a nostalgic moment watching one calf get his bedtime snack. And my heart ached just a bit knowing that in a few weeks, life as he knows it is going to disappear. 
Oh and I can't close this post without introducing the newest little addition to our farm. She showed up tonight, out of nowhere, seeminly very tame and perhaps even born a housecat. River named her "Sassy". She is skinny and full of cockle burs, but the boys and I are already in love.


Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 6:00 AM 1 comments
I have to give a shout out to the song "Down Home Girl". Recorded by the Rolling Stones in 1964, it is a twisted love song for all of us country girls out there. My favorite version is of course by Old Crow Medicine Show, which you can find on my playlist. I just gotta say I think this song is sexy as hell! If you are a country girl, or even just a country girl at heart....mmm yeah....this song is for you! It doesn't get sexier than
And everytime you move like that
I gotta get down and pray
Don't you know that dress you're wearin'
Is made out of fiberglass
And everytime you move like
that I gotta go to Sunday mass
Oh, you're so down home girl
Give the song a listen, tell me what you think.
Ok maybe I don't smell like turnip greens, and I sorta hope I don't taste like pork n' beans...but I sure am Doooownnnn Hooooommmme! :0)~
If you caught your morning news you are seeing two big headlines today....first of all the Rev. Jesse Jackson wants to cut Obama's nuts off...well ain't that just solidarity for ya?! Good grief. I am sure there are more people who'd like to see Jackson's nuts dipped in batter, deep fat fried and served on a platter. Oh, sorry, that must be the hillbilly comin' out it in me. Hog balls are a delicacy around here....I just have to say that guy gives me gas. Always has. Always running his mouth....what exactly does he do? Actions speak louder than words. Please correct me if I am wrong, but does this man ever do anything that doesn't involve a camera crew following him around? Isn't his face I always see popping up in the latest racial controversy? Does he actually do anything else when there are no major headlines to be captured? He strikes me as the kind of man who wouldn't spare a dime for a homeless man, he'd be the guy growling "Take a bath hippie" Just my opinion....He certainly is no Martin Luther King Jr.
Then there is the JonBenet Ramsey case....can I just say it's about fuckin' time! It would have been nice for the family to receive this apology from the DA's office before Patsy Ramsey had to suffer an agonizing death from cancer. Yeah...good one guys. Way to go. The woman suffers the horrible reality of having her own child murdered in her own home....the fact that she was sexually assaulted only adds to the horror...then you accuse her and her husband of doing it. Convince a town, a state and a nation (thanks to our fact checking, dirt loving media) that they are guilty...everywhere they go for the rest of their lives...suspicion...now one of them is gone and you finally....FINALLY admit that ya fucked up! Good one boys...that's all I can say.
So yeah, I'm bitchy this morning...can ya tell.
Oh and just a correction from my last post (I am leaving it because, well, it's hilarious) but when I was talking about a flagellation situation....uh yeah, I meant farts...you know flatulence. I just had momentary attack of dumbassitis. But to go from flatulence to flagellation...now that's a doosey!
Today we loaded up and went to the county fair to support my 8 year old neighbor and day care child who was showing her bucket calf in the Beef Show. I always enjoy taking the kids to see all the animals, Gus is fascinated with chickens and River loves the rabbits. They all had fun harassing the geese (which they were promptly scolded for!) and we all held our nose in the swine barn! One thing I can say about the livestock barns is that if you have just eaten a plate of red beans and rice and are in a flagellation situation...ain't nobody gonna know! LOL! I am used to the cattle smell of course, and the smell of horse manure holds fond memories from my childhood (as much as manure could possibly represent anything fondly remembered) but the pigs are somethin' you just never quite get past....Good God!
Her bucket calf, named "Spot" didn't win Grand Champion, but put on a good show anyway. She was the tiniest of the competitors and at one point in time tried to lay down and take a nap(the calf, not the girl)...which was adorable to me. She couldn't be bothered with the trappings of this little beauty contest. But the kicker was when the judge asked my little darlin "Why do you think I should pick your for Grand Champion?" her answer...."I don't know...." Her explanation to me as soon as the show was over was this "I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to say something to make someone else loose...."
Now doesn't that just make you smile......
So now I am home with a belly full of Gyros, funnel cake and orange shake ups. Add a few beers to that since I have been home and Mama is a happy happy girl! I skipped the deep fat fried Snickers...I figured that might be over kill....
Oh how life can toss your good day up in the air and whirl it into a twister full of darkness. I was going to post a quick little note about a message I recieved today from a dear friend who hasn't heard from me in a while. He told me he misses my exclamation points! I had to laugh....it's true, I use exclamations all the time! In real life I speak very animatedly (remember I'm "perky"), so when I speak in e-mails I suppose I try to convey the same animation with my punctuation...hey that rhymes! But anyhoo just as I was getting ready to post this I got a call that stopped me in my tracks.
A local bachelor, a farmer, who lives with and cares for his elderly mother, who is also an uncle to 3 of our friends, a brother to a neighbor and fellow church parishioner, took his life this morning. The community is shocked. He was found in a barn. I am stunned. This guy was always happy. Genuinely nice. Always teased me about working my husband to death...when he knew good and well it's always John Deere who works him to death. It was kind of our inside joke. He is a regular customer of mine at the bank, and I will never see him again. I didn't know him well, but I know his family well. It's tragic. His poor mother relied on him for care, she is unable to care for herself. I can't imagine her pain at this moment. I can't imagine what he was thinking....but I know the feeling of putting on the "happy face". Today I wonder how many times I saw him and misread the facade??
Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 8:16 AM 2 comments
So the reason for the season, or rather the vacation in this case...is because 4 years ago yesterday this little guy came into my life!
I love you too Gus!Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 1:47 PM 3 comments
Labels: Dreams, Family, Farm, Life, Love, Marriage, Motherhood
Well after visiting with some girlfriends and checking a few of my favorite blogs, it seems my hubby ain't the only one in the doghouse this weekend!! Around here when things in nature take on a familiar pattern of behavior most old timers will tell you the cause must be the sign of the moon. I think the same goes for men! I really do. (ok maybe for women too....) Our cows tend to calve during certain times of the moon, and if the decisions are left up to Great-Grandpa all crops are planted around the moon signs as well. He is a firm believer in such things. Hunting, fishing, even haircuts are often timed by the moon signs by many of the old timers. There are supposedly certain times you should never try to preserve your garden bounty or butcher your meat.... Perhaps there is something about the waning moon that makes men turn into crab asses....I think I will change the name to the Whining Moon!
Or us girls could band together and enjoy a few bottles of Verde and call it the 'Wining Moon'
We could avoid this whole problem if they could come up with some kind of Midol for men. We could call it Moondol; For that time of the month when you feel bloated, bitchy and belligerent! Or all of us girls could just hit the road for a few days! It looks like we all might need to take the weekend off July 18-20....anybody want to meet up in Jamaica?? Ok, who am I kidding, I could maybe scrounge up enough money for a campsite on Kentucky Lake, but I'd be game! Hey with enough wine, a beach is a beach is a beach.....right?
Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 8:28 PM 3 comments
Labels: Family, Farm, Gardening, Humor, Life, Love, Marriage, Poems and Musings
I have chronically dry skin! Remember my hooker knees? Yeah...well I have hooker feet now too. This always happens in the summer. I wear flip flops or I am barefoot nearly 24/7 and my feet get very rough. I guess it's just a part of aging because I used to have beautiful feet! I have a very long, narrow, size 11 foot with perfectly slanted toes and nicely shaped toenails. These days those feet look like some kind of weird cross blend of an alligator and chicken foot! Uggh!! And my big toes get so hard around the nail that they crack. Deep cracks that cause enough pain to feel like there are nails sticking in them. Not the kind of nails that you use to hang your pictures on the wall in the house....barn nails! Big fat barn nails! If I don't keep them slathered up really good with something they sometimes bleed.
I have decided to share my beauty secret with the world! Great for hooker knees, chicken feet, alligator elbows and cracked heifer nipples:
Yes that picture in the middle is exactly what you think it is.
Directions: For use on cows, thoroughly wash treated teats and udder with separate towels before each milking. To avoid contamination after each milking, bathe the udder with plenty of hot water, strip milk out and dry skin. Apply Bag Balm freely and massage gently with this proven ointment twice daily.
Bag Balm has been the premiere choice of cattle and dairy farmers since 1899, and I am here to tell you it is a family staple in this house....Especially for this heifer!! God knows I can sympathize with the cracked nipples, been there done that a few times! (but don't use Bag Balm on human nipples, it's not sterile...I recommend Lansinoh for nursing mommies) Bag Balm works great on all my dry spots and transforms me from bar trash to heavenly hash! It works great on fresh tattoos too ;0)
For all you city dwellers who can't just run to the farm supply store and get your very own vintage tin of bag balm....just buy lanolin. It's the same thing. Did you know lanolin is made from sheep sweat? Yummy!
Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 8:00 AM 8 comments
Labels: Farm, Health, Humor, Life, Motherhood
I had a frightening adventure on Thursday! I took my children and my daycare children to the park for a while in the morning and on the way home I decided to stop at my neighbors, the one with all the rhubarb. I knew that more rhubarb would be ready by now and he had told me that one of his cherry trees was ripe for the picking. Fresh cherry pie sounded fantastic and his farm is lots of fun for the kids so we stopped in. They have kittens and a cute rat terrier puppy the kids like to play with. So I got to work while they frolicked in the yard.
After picking what amounted to another gallon of rhubarb, I headed to the cherry trees and the kids followed. "Johnny" my special needs child was carrying the little puppy and was just in hog heaven! He and that puppy had become fast friends and I was enjoying watching them as I was picking. I had probably picked about 1/2 gallon of cherries when I noticed Johnny carry the puppy over to this big white wooden box sitting in the yard. I am oblivious to the danger of this, not even realizing what the box contains as I am picking and munching on cherries. Johnny sets the puppy on top of the box and is petting him and playing when all of the sudden I hear the puppy start yelping as he jumps off the box and starts running through the yard. Honestly my first instinct is to think Johnny unintentionally hurt the puppy, he can be rough without realizing it sometimes. But when I look over I see Johnny walking towards me. He has a strange look on his face.....normally his face is fixed with a great big smile that rarely leaves....but there is something showing on his face in addition to his permanent smile....fear...pain and then I saw the tears! I've never seen Johnny cry before. Ever! I wasn't even sure he was capable. He has a very high pain tolerance and is rarely upset about anything. But these were clearly tears. My heart was pounding as I dropped the cherries and I ran to him and then I could hear it.....
BUZZZZZZZZZZZ.............He had placed the puppy on the lid of a bee hive!! There were bees trapped in his shirt! I ripped his shirt off and immediately ordered all the kids to run to the van! Johnny is allergic to bees...not anaphalactic type allergic, but he gets very sick. There were multiple stings on him and I was terrified what this might do to him. I almost ran into my neighbor's house and called 911, but knew his house was in such a remote location we'd have a better chance of getting ambulance to my house, which was only 1 mile away and located on a blacktop road. (ambulances have been known to take over an hour out here) I wasn't sure how serious his reaction might be to the stings and I was nearly crying myself as we flew home. Once at my house I decided not to call an ambulance, he had very little swelling and no difficulty breathing, but I called his mom right away to see what she thought I should do. Benadryl took care of him for a while, it was only about an hour before he was up and playing and his happy usual self....but for a while I was just heartsick for this poor boy. The kids all chipped in and loved on him and hugged on him and kissed him on the head. My 4 year old told him as he kissed his head "Don't worry Johnny your Mommy will be here soon and make you good and new..."
Johnny didn't make it to my house on Friday, his mom said he vomited in his bed overnight and she found more stings on his legs. I felt so terrible! He's a farm boy just like my kids are, and fortunately his parents are understanding about pitfalls that come with rural living...but my heart still ached for him. Once he fell and knocked out 7 teeth and didn't cry (not at my house), so that tells you what kind of pain tolerance he has. For him to by crying for so long and so hard had to indicate how painful all his stings were. We still don't have a total count of the stings but I would imagine there were 8-12. Poor Baby!!!!!!!!
Note to self: Stay away from the white box!!!!
P.S. My neighbor felt really bad too for never telling me about the hive, it never occurred to him. I called to check on the puppy later that night, it had been stung so bad I was afraid it might die. For a split second it crossed my mind to toss him in the van too, but I figured Johnny's survival was of the utmost importance.....for the record, the puppy is fine now, but he had a rough day.
So what do you think? It is certainly more fitting for me than the black....I threw out my Goth look back in high school...although I used to rock the black fingernails and the combat boots once upon a time. Who'd a thunk I'd be knee deep in wheat fields and cannin' jam when I got all growed up :0)~
Sorry so short...it's been a crazy week. I promise a nice long nonsensical blog sometime this weekend!
Posted by The Pastoral Princess at 9:58 PM 1 comments
Labels: Blogs, Farm, Hobbies, Life, Teenage Years
I just can't help but post more pics as they are coming in of the flooding nearby. These are some arial shots that have been psoted on http://www.stevehardesty.com/ today. Pardon the red marks, those are typed descriptions, but Blogger reduces the pics so much you can't see it.
You aren't hearing about this on your evening news tonight, but the people here will never forget the Flood of 08