Friday, August 15, 2008

Comfortably Numb

Hellooooo there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me? Is there anyone at home?

I feel like I am functioning at a numb, tolerable yet not fully functioning level. It's hard to explain. I don't want my life to revolve around my illness...I never intended for my blog to be a running commentary of my latest drug and therapy trials. When I started this blog I didn't know I was sick. I don't like that every single moment of my life right now seems to always hangs somewhere between "am I OK right now?" and "am I falling back down again?"....but that's what it feels like I am doing. I keep trying to tell myself that as I get used to living with this, start a more clear course of treatment and find the best way to quiet the beast I will feel better....but that destination seems like a long long journey and my horse is tired....

I need rest. I know this. It's hard to find even the remote possibility of rest....If only I had a nanny! LOL!


Shannon said...

For sure! A nanny AND a house keeper is what I'm wishing for! I am being "forced" by this crappy economy to return to work full time and have no idea how I'm going to make it through! I think that your blog is a good way for you to express how you are feeling - to get it out - and I see nothing wrong with it! As always, wishing you the best and thinking about you often! Take care of yourself!

Mum-me said...

I think I can understand a little how you feel about the 'numb' feeling. I felt that way when my Dr insisted I take zoloft for PostNatal Depression after my 3rd child. I felt a bit like a zombie for 10 months.

And, I think the roses/cushions/keepsakes made for the Grandma's wedding dress will look spectacular. How creative you are!

Anonymous said...

Oh my dear dear friend. I promise that it will get better. You just need to find your groove and everything will get more manageable. I think that it is important for you to keep in mind that this is all new to you, you still haven't been taking the meds long enough to level you out just yet and BPD or not, no two days are ever the same and you should give yourself a break. Talking about it always helps so blog on sister.

Remember this also, BPD is not who you are and it does not define you. Some days or weeks are just harder than others. You are a bright, intelligent, imaginative, creative and fantastic woman. Those things are things that I think of when I define you.