Saturday, August 2, 2008

Sins of The Father

My husband is starting to have a little break down of his own. It is no secret to my readers that he and I have not been on the most secure footing in the last several months. I might go so far as to say we were on the brink of disaster. It was easy for me to blame his anger and rage, lack of help, and general bad attitude for all of our problems....however we know there are always two sides to every story don't we? Clearly mine has been spilled out like a jug of wine all over freshly laid carpet.

He is fearing that his shitty attitude in the last several months has 'caused' this to happen to me. I have tried to explain that this would have happened regardless of who I was with, where I was or what I was doing. This is a chemical reaction in the brain. A ticking time bomb that just picked this particular time to explode. Did the extra stress in my life rush the explosion along? Perhaps...but it would have happened someday. I told him perhaps God allowed this to happen now, rather than a year from now when we might have destroyed our family and given up hope on each other....While it's horrible to be going through this, the one bright spot is that there is no denial now that we belong together.

He admits he has been less than wonderful in the last few months. Clearly I have to put myself in his shoes and wonder just how wonderful I myself have been also....I feel bad that he feels guilty over this. Has he been shitty? Yes....Did that make me sick? No. Can both of us recognizing our shortcomings repair this relationship? Absolutely. I think it already has.