For the first time in a long time I decided to politely unload my plate of several of it's responsibilities. I called the pregnant Mommies who are expecting in Jan and Feb and informed them that I would not be taking on any new children, and that instead I would be focusing on my education. I will still have two full time children here, plus my own, and two after school kids. After my day with the baby yesterday (which went great actually!) I decided that adding two more babies to this mix would be horrible for me. Stress is clearly a trigger for meltdowns for me, and I need to be pro-active in avoiding it. The 'old me' felt like I could juggle anything and would have gladly taken on a housefull of babies, a college curriculum and my regular 24/7 job of Mommy...in addition to the tavern, the bank, and sewing. God who the hell did I think I was fooling? People used to ask me all the time "How do you DO ALL THIS?" and I just used to smile. Living in Mania Land.....Oh that was such a happy place...
It is clear to me now that I am slowly killing myself. And think I am running from myself. Keeping myself so busy, kept me from having to deal with ME....and I knew I was cracking up. I have felt it for months. Well...no more. I am not putting myself in that position anymore. Obviously hubby and I both want me to still be a SAHM, but if we can't make the budget work with a smaller workload we will have to figure something else out. I put my notice in at the bank, a looooong notice, and basically told them I want out by the end of the year. (It will take every bit of that amount of time before the boss man gets the gumption to actually try to hire someone), and I am reducing my workload at the tavern. I have to be realistic. I am only one person. And I am allowed to say No. I am not Superwoman.....despite my sparkly underpants and funky boots....
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we are being called to radical alchemy
1 week ago
4 comments:
I am very proud of you!! Just listening to you list all of your jobs makes me bristle. Making it work financially is possible. Not as much fun, but possible. As far as who you thought you were fooling, my baby, it was yourself. Not a judgement, I can assure you, I have done this myself. Sometimes I still find myself doing this. Suddenly I find myself wound so tight that I am snapping at others, not eating, sitting down, or even remembering the reason that I work so hard in the first place. Suddenly the bottom falls out and all I want to do is cry and sleep or call my trusty taxi (the ambulance) to take me to the nervous hospital. I also think that if you give a reasonable notice - two weeks or a month, then it is your empoloyers job to figure the rest out. That's why they get paid the big bucks. Take care of your self. Hugs
You Go girl! I think you are more of a superwoman for standing up for yourself and your health, it will work out, I know the feeling I often have my candle burning at both ends also...
Hooray for NO! I am glad you are putting yourself first this time. Those other soon-to-be-moms can make other arrangements... Take care of yourself!
no is the new yes... LOL
but for real - way to go! keep at it though! try to avoid slowly doing too much again!
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