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Monday, August 18, 2008

Primitive Living with a Crazy Bitch

Living without the internet has forced me into a primitive lifestyle. I have had to rely on my iPod and Satellite TV for entertainment. Goodness me, how did anyone have any fun before technology?! LOL! I've even had to talk to my friends on the telephone *gasp* because I can't check my e-mail!! I even went out for supper with Beth last night....a face to face meeting out it in the real world! Perhaps lack of technology isn't such a bad thing! Maybe I should cancel my internet altogether....Ha! As if....

I am hoping I have enough 'juice' to post this blog. I wasn't able to get online all weekend....

Actually I have been sewing a lot and have almost finished the 'wedding dress' project. It has turned out lovely and I am very excited about it. I have been listening to music a lot and even considered trying to teach myself to play the harmonica, or french harp as my hillbilly father calls it. Wouldn't that be a hoot?! LOL! I have one......whether I have the ambition is a whole other story....

So, not many new Divine Secrets from the Pastoral Princess at the moment. Still adjusting to meds and learning to deal with the ups and downs. It's funny, I have surely always had these rapid mood swings....or at least for a good long while now, but since I have been officially diagnosed it's as if everyone in my life, including me is acutely aware of them now. My husband is especially sensitive to this...and is extremely frustrated that a pill didn't cure me....It's impossible to explain to him, and he has yet to take the initiative to try and educate himself about BPD, I have several books that I have been scouring and there are limitless resources on the net (oh wait....we are grounded from that) but I think he just wants it to all go away.

He was wonderful when the first initial breakdown....but now I feel like he is just tired of the whole affair and wants it to go away. He keeps talking about 'getting me on some medication that actually works, cause this isnt' working' etc....I've tried to explain to him that there is no pill that is going to turn me into a stepford wife. Sick or not I am gonna have bad moods, bitchy days, sad days, happy days and energetic days....I am human. But since the diagnosis of BPD I feel like everything has changed, and not just with him but our entire family.... What used to be brushed off as "what the hell crawled up her butt today?" has now become "Oh, she's having an episode"....

I just love being the crazy bitch in town. :0)~ I am hoping my Dr. will educate him a bit. We go Aug 26th.....

5 comments:

new#3 said...

PP- I just finished reading quite a few of your blog posts and thoroughly enjoyed them. I am also reeling from the discovery of how much you remind me of a younger me! I have been through such similar things family wise when I was in a monogamous marriage. I too don't have an address book, never have. I think blogging is an awesome thing for you to be doing under all the stress you seem to have. BTW don't blame hubby for not fully understanding your illness..men don't get alot of things..work from that assumption.
I recently started a blog and invite you to read it when you have time. take care!

Shannon said...

Sounds like a typical man reaction to any problem - they just want to solve it AND NOW! Education will be the best thing for him! You've made me want to learn more about it! I have 2 cousins with the same diagnosis! One of them functions very well... the other not so! I think if everyone around them understood their struggles and WHY they have them... live might be a little easier for them! Hang in there!!! And would ya get ungrounded! I miss you!

Fortunate One said...

Darlin', I understand. My Mister used to just growl anytime I even mentioned my CONDITION. He, first of all, thought that it was all in my head and that I was just a raveing BITCH!!! Well, it was in my head, it's called a chemical imbalance. I really can't tell you when or how, it all changed, sweetie, but it did. He's still a big butt head and needs meds himself, as if.... But he is more supportive of what is going on with my mental state and recognizes the cycles. Tell him to call me anytime. Mister is here too! This may not be YOUR magic pill either.

Can't wait to see your wedding dress project! I need to hit your other site and order a present for ma-in-law.

Rebecca said...

Somehow I have been unaware that you even had a blog! How did I miss this?

I've been wondering where you were lately, now I know.

Sorry you're struggling. I know how it is. I'm currently off meds (as of Friday) because frankly, they weren't helping and the side effects were more than I could handle. I'm pretty sure my DH thinks it's all in my head anyway (both the depression, and the side effects from the pills) so yeah. It sucks.

The Pastoral Princess said...

Thanks for the support gang! I had a really great day and am trying to blog about it right now but I think my connection is about to go caput again...arrrgggghhh! I promise I will catch up on all your blogs when I can, right now I can't even check all my e-mails...whaaaaaa!