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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Little Engine that Couldn't?

I am starting to doubt myself for the first time in a long time. I am usually the ballsy, take on the world, I can conquer anything kind of chick. But I am starting to have serious doubts about my ability to handle going back to school, while trying to hold down enough jobs to pay the bills, and manage my illness at the same time......I want that degree like a fat girl wants cake!! And trust me on that, I am a fat girl! :0)

But what if I can't do it? I can't put my family into that kind of debt simply to fail. I am notorious for starting big projects or having big plans and ideas that I abandon once they are no longer exciting or stimulating. (what we now know is a common symptom of my illness) And let's face it, school isn't always going to be exciting or stimulating. In fact it's going to down right SUCK sometimes. But I WANT THAT DEGREE......I was deciding on Psychology or English....now I am just trying to decide whether I even have the balls to try. What has happened to me?

2 comments:

Em said...

Don’t over-analyze school, just do it. You might find that it is the outlet that you need. Most programs are so much more ‘adult’ friendly and really allow self pacing. You can accomplish your goal! Check into Indiana State, Matt did his there and it was a pretty good experience overall.

The Flying Circus Mom said...

Oh girl I am so hearing what you are saying, it is hard I will tell you that, but my bi-polar ass is doing it....and I too often start businesses, and big plans and abandom them...I go see the Dr. tomorrow and I am freaking out!! The insight you have given me though through what you are going through has helped to calm my fears a bit..hang in there!