Kiss My Grits!

This is a public service announcement from your friendly (usually) middle of nowhere tavern waitress (and cook).

A few dining tips:

When you know that the kitchen is the size of a broom closet, have a little patience. Unless you want bloody chicken and raw catfish, please understand that it takes time to cook your food properly. If you want fast food, haul your butt to town and go to McDonald's.

If you order an appetizer, eat it all, then order more...don't cancel the order just as the cook is putting it on a plate. It's not our fault you've drank enough beer to keep a sailor drunk for a week and now your tummy is full....EAT IT! Or at least pay for it.

If you are sitting with a party of 12 people and your orders come out 4 and 5 at a time, try to consider that the counter space the cooks are working with is only a 5' x 3' space...we are doing the best we can.

Don't hassle the waitress for your 6th beer of the night while she is writing down someone else's order at another table.

Don't order your burger like this: "Double cheeseburger, drag it through the garden, but skip the pickle and onion". You think you're being cute, but all you have done is cause me to write down "loaded" then have to scratch that out...Just say Lettuce and Tomato and save us all a lot of grief.

If the waitress (me) is drinking at 6 p.m. leave her a good tip, she's had a hard night already.

If the waitress (me) is not drinking and it's 9 p.m. leave her a good tip, she's been too busy to even open a beer.

If your food comes out wrong, say something! Don't punish the waitress by tipping badly. Chances are the cook (often me) screwed it up...she is human. Give her the opportunity to correct the problem, that is her job.

If your food comes out wrong, don't leave a crappy tip for your waitress (me), it's not her fault the cook is a dumbass.

I just got off work at the tavern...can you tell? LOL! I cook most Saturday nights, but I waitress a lot too...the above is my advice from the people working on the other side of the bar. If I could I would lay down the same rules there as I do for my daycare:

Be Nice
Use Good Manners
Wait Your Turn

But I have learned, especially since I have been doing this job, that service work...is shit work! Sometimes people that I wait on at the bank, and are regular customers there, treat me like crap at the tavern. Sometimes I wonder if they even realize I am the same person. You would be surprised how many customers don't really even look you in the eye. So here's what I have to say to those people, in the words of Alice:

Kiss My Grits!!!