Cocky Cake Fight!!! ~ Fat Girl Wins in the Final Round!

Have you ever seen a grown woman and a 50 pound cake throw down before? Well you missed it! I just got into a hell of a fight with that damn thing! The last layer left, and the largest, but the first two were a breeze, so I was sure this was gonna be a piece of cake! (Arf Arf I crack myself up!)

So on goes the buttercream layer....ARRRRRGGGGHHH the damn stuff kept tearing up the cake. I nearly lost one entire corner!!! In the process I am trying to keep the kids out of the kitchen cause I know things are about to get ugly!!! That big fat bitch was testing me to the max! (Strong words for a cake, I know, but you didn't see the way she was lookin' at me!) I finally get a super runny batch of icing slopped on and figure the cornstarch under the fondant will *hopefully* make up for the moisture and the whole thing won't melt everywhere. Then comes the marshmallow fondant...the fifth batch I have made in two days and the only one that will not set up!!! I knead and knead, toss in more powdered sugar, keep slappin' on the Crisco and I just have this sticky blob!! Finally I get it right, roll it out and start to 'jelly roll' it back up to put on the cake.....and every baker's nightmare...it's sticking to the counter!!!!! With very very careful baby steps and a lot of cornstarch I finally roll it up. But when I go to unroll it on the cake, it shreds!!! HUGE holes all over it!! This thing looks like it just survived a missle blast!! So I try to take as much of it back off as I can and re-roll it. I managed to get it looking somewhat tolerable...but hopefully no one looks too close on the back side!! Thankfully flowers can hide a multitude of confectionary sins! And I have a beautiful spring boquet I am picking up tomorrow that is gonna turn that ugly fat bottom girl into a beautiful blossoming booty!!

Ha! And the Fat Girl Takes the Cake!! Ding Ding Ding Ding