Well here's the cake in it's final glory....it has been hacked into and digested now...lovely thought huh? The 'wedding' was beautiful as my grandparents renewed their vows. The minister commented that when talking to them and their family he discovered the amazing fact that they have never been cross with one another or ever wanted to spend time away from each other. When he asked "How can this be....after 55 years together?"
Their answers were simple. Grandpa said that her happiness was all that ever mattered to him. She was the woman of his dreams. Grandma said that she never lacked for anything with him, she was always content. He made sure she was happy and taken care of, and in turn she did the same thing for him. 55 years of that. They cried through the whole ceremony and still looked like teenagers in love.
It made me proud and heartsick at the same time. Proud to be an honorary member of a family that was created out of so much love. Sick, that I may be destined to a life of anger and loneliness within my own marriage. Another weekend spent distant and fighting.....I can tell he is going to resist, but if we are going to make it, it's going to require professional help. I am looking into that today. He was all for it when he thought I might be giving up...but he's been mum on the subject since then. Sometimes I don't know if I have it in me to put forth the effort it's going to require. But my children are my life, and it's worth it for their sake, so I have to muster the strength somehow. And I know he loves me, he says I am his life and his world and he can't live without me...but somehow those words only appear at the most desperate of times. They were nowhere to be found when I was busting my ass cleaning house yesterday and trying to deal with the children while he sat on his butt for 12 hours watching TV. It was one of those nights that I found myself fantasizing about the frying pan and his head....LOL! Ok not really, but becoming a screaming raving lunatic sure loooked like a real possibility. I wish I had some magic answer....
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don't we all wish for the magic answer. Unfortunately there is none! I grew up in a not-so-happy, always fighting home and really didn't know how to communicate effectively coming into my marriage, but knew that SOMEHOW we HAD to in order to make it work.. Not that we aLWAYS do, but we both make the effort! I'm lucky that Mike came from a home almost Brady Bunch opposite of mine and that he has a much more calm disposition than I... otherwise, counseling would HAVE to be the solution! I think it will help so much in your relationship - but, in the end, it doesn't matter what I think - only what you two think! Good luck!
can email me... should have a link now... I checked to email follow-up comments to:
Good on you for not giving up! Yes, think about the children. I was a teacher in my past life (B.C.) and I can't tell you how devastating a marriage break-up is for the children even from that distant perspective. Some of my best and most promising students spiralled into depression, alcoholism, became sexually promiscuous, lost focus on their studies ..... I could go on. I hope your husband will agree to professional counselling. I've heard it can be really helpful.
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