All Aboard the Crazy Train

"Noooooooooo"

"Moooommmmmmy"

"I'm tellin'!"

"Stop it!!!!!"

"That's Mine"

"Hey Jada, hey Jada, hey Jada"

"Will you make him stop following me?"

"Will you make her play with me?"

"He took my toy!"

"He won't share!"

"He Jada did you know that a stegosaurus has these things on it's back that are like metal plates? They are not really metal, but I bet they felt like metal. Did you know that? I wonder what they would feel like if you touched them? Do you think they were cold? Or I wonder if they were sharp? I bet if he got in a fight with another dinosaur he could win because he'd have these big giant things on his back like knives and he would be like this super cool Ninja dinosaur. Did you remember today is my birthday? Did you buy me something? Did you get me what I asked for? Can I have it now or do I have to wait?" (all of this said in about a span of 20 seconds)

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* (this sound emanating from a toy cell phone that my special needs child likes to push repeatedly for about a 20 minute stretch)

*Beep Beep* (timer for lunch going off)

"Is it ready?"

"How much longer?"

"I don't think I like that...."

"I don't like peas!!!"

"I want something else"

"Where's my drink? Why don't I get a drink? How come he has a drink and I don't have one?"

Just as I finally serve everyone and sit down to my cold plate of food.....

"I don't have a napkin!"

"I spilled my milk!"

"Why does he have more applesauce than me?"

"I don' t have a fork!"

"He touched my food!"

And finally words of wisdom from the fast talking 10 year old birthday boy with a thing for dinosaurs. "Jada, your job sucks!"

I am currently in search of a padded room. Preferably one with a well stocked wet bar.