I realize that some of this could be a symptom of my illness...but I cannot stop obsessing over the words my MIL spoke to me last night and how much they have hurt. She wasn't mean about it...it's just the fact that she said them at all. And now I feel as if I have no outlet...no reprieve...when the kids are more than I can take and I need a few hours to recoup...I am out of options. The fact that she says she 'has no life' over this just tears out my gut. She works part time, and I know that having the kids one evening a week and on Saturday mornings does eat up a lot of her time...but I had no idea I was causing her such 'grief'. It's all I can think about this morning and the tears just keep coming. I keep trying to figure out an alternative. A way to give up some of my jobs without bankrupting us. Obviously at some point the day care is going to have to go. But I have two pregnant mommies counting on me, a new baby supposed to start next month....and what do I say???? WTF do I say????
And what do I say to her??? I love her. She is the mother of my husband. We have our problems...no doubt...but I don't want to hurt her. And even if I did choose to bring this up and how badly it hurt me, it will be blamed on my illness. In fact from now on every issue we ever have from here on out will be blamed on my illness. That is her MO...all her issues with her husband get blamed on his drinking, issues with my husband get blamed on his 'sensitivity' etc....it's never her fault, and now everyone has the ultimate ammunition against me. Which sounds a bit paranoid...but not untrue. My side of the family is used to dealing with mental illness....his family, mmm not so much. Although there have been several suicides back in the family tree, so they aren't completely free from the demon.
I am writing her a letter I fully intend to NOT give to her. Maybe it will at least make me feel a bit better. She will chalk them up to the ramblings of a madwoman....maybe they are.
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we are being called to radical alchemy
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4 comments:
I can definitely see how she would start to blame everything on your illness. I would suggest making your husband do all of the talking. Its his mother - he can go and talk to her about how BOTH of you were upset about how she feels that her involvement with the kids is ruining her life. She needed to bring that up sooner and needs to say no if she can't do it. However, I'd be more inclined to believe that she just wants to make it an issue so that you will "worship" her for the "sacrifices" she's making. It probably doesn't bother her at all to do it - she just wants more attention for it. and that is BS.
I have no words or advice. I have been in your shoes where my MIL thinks it's all about my "illness" and that I should always be hospitalized. I do understand!
Oh girl...I am so very sorry you are having to deal with this.
I CANNOT believe your MIL. I always knew she was a PITA, but I never realized just how self centered and self absorbed she is. I really think that she said that just to try and bring some the attention back to her...it's absolutely RIDICULOUS! I am just completely boggled at the fact that she even said that...it actually makes me sick and VERY angry. If it were me I would NEVER ask her to watch my kids again...she would have to beg to watch them...but that's just me and my ability to be a HUGE BITCH :)
Call if you need me...I'm here OK.
Love ya and take care of yourself and your family
So... now that I read this post... you should write your feelings down on paper... but, please take my advice and don't give her the time of day... don't let her know how you feel... if you do she will win even more in the end! Take care! I hope you feel much better, VERY soon!!!
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