The Swearin' Church Lady

Ok I just have to confess something funny that has occurred on a church committee. Each August our church has a picnic complete with all the things Protestant faiths seem to loathe us Catholics for.....Gambling, Drinkin', Dancin', and shamelessly profiting off the public! LOL! You can come get a big fat fried chicken dinner with all the fixin's, or grab a brat or burger at the lunch stand, play Bingo all day, buy Raffle Tickets for various things...including a pricey raffle that sells $100 tickets for a brand new pick-up truck (limited amount of tickets printed), play games with your kids, listen to local bands and kick up your heels, then head to the beer garden and get your belly full of beer. Praise the Lord and Hallelujah! This picnic is HUGE for us, and after expenses usually garners our parish about $30-$40K each year.

In order for this to work, all parishioners are expected to work a shift. There are many many jobs to fill and it takes every able body we have to get everything done. I am on the committee that assigns these jobs. Our parish has 500+ people so you can imagine what a task this is. In addition to your job, you are expected to bring vegetables from your garden such as cabbage and peppers for slaw and tomatoes for the dinner, and various other garden bounty and home made items for the "Country Store" stand. Also, each woman is required to bring either 2 pies or a cake, depending on the 'Circle' you are assigned to. When a woman in our parish gets married she is assigned to a circle. We have 4 Circles. You are in that circle until they start calling other circle members to bring food to your funeral dinner....you get my drift? So any hoo.....the parish puts a tremendous amount of effort into this. "THE LIST" is highly anticipated (and highly bitched about)...you can never please everyone, so you just do the best you can to try and cover your ass...

Well the cover page to the list always explains which 'Circle' needs to bring what etc....plus it gives specific instructions for the various stands. Now THANK GOD I am not the one who typed this because nobody would have believed it was accident. I am just ornery enough to have done this on purpose....LMAO! One sentence in the cover page reads like this

"First shit leaders should arrive 15 minutes early to prepare their stand."

Now, clearly that is supposed to say "shift"....but that ain't what it says! LMAO!!!

Yes they resent it to the printer....all 300 pages of it are being reprinted. I swear I didn't do it!